Why I hate boys. (Part 3)

Author : Tame SheWolf      Blog :Yeha, Whatever!      Date: 8/23/2012 5:41:28 PM

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Read Part 1 and Part 2.

“Women don’t make fools of men most of them are the “do-it-yourself” types.”

-Anonymous

In no mood to repeat the disclaimer, I begin the last post of the trilogy! My compulsive categorization brings to you two types of attitudes boys hold in an argument they can’t win.

“You are a girl.”

Hindi version: Tu ladki hai isiliye main kuch nahi bol raha hoon.

A guy who resorts to this to end an argument is trying to be chivalrous, but you can see past that and notice the deep-rooted crap in his head. The move is equal to forfeiting. I don’t see the sense in it anyway. By ending it with this line, he is not only taking my right to fight for myself, argue back or question further but also forces me to be blinded to certain realities (apparently) “for my own good”. And if it is his Won’t-hit-a-girl policy that stops him, it just means he can’t argue with his intellectual faculties alone.

“You are such a girl!”

My ears turn red when I hear this sentence. If only I could beat such a guy up…

When a guy wants to end the fight pretending to be a victor, he’ll use this sentence to prove that I am the girl who is not understanding him and being irrational; or maybe point out that I am getting unnecessarily emotional. What is being “such a girl”? Is it when I can’t take a bad word in my stride?

I have just one guy in my life who serves my feminism to me on a platter. He gives me exactly what I ask for; nothing more, nothing less. I quite often have heated discussions with him. Sometimes I’ll gasp in offense, “I can’t believe that you just said that.” And he’ll say, “Yes, I did.” It is such a slap of perspective in your face. It just takes me out of my thought-rut and I suddenly appreciate the reality of the blunt equality I keep asking for. I like the hit of truth, even though sometimes it takes time to sink in. But when it does, I have so much more respect for him.
But he’s a school friend, and I have a Never-date-a-school-friend-however-awesome-he-may-turn-out-to-be policy. Now, that’s a subject for a completely new blog-post altogether!

*****

Turning slightly off course and since I’ve been talking about boys, I might as well talk about men. For me, men too have their categories.

1.       The Committed

It is not like boys who are committed become men, or boys who are not virgins are men. No, that is definitely not the case. Like I’ve pointed out before, age or experience is not what makes men. It is something else. As soon as I am able to pin-point it, I will blog about it. Promise.

[Aside: What is the opposite of virgin? Not slang words, the exact antonym.]

2.       The Unreachable

A never-ending list under this category, but here’s a few:

All the actors that I am in love with. For example,

Robert Pattinson (Judge me!)

Hugh Jackman (Of course!)

Brad Pitt (Classic case of when you are beautiful, no one cares for your talent)

Shahrukh Khan (Like how Snape somberly says: “Always!”)

Ranbir Kapoor(I believe him in every scene. Every time.)

 

All the actors that I am in love with who turn out to be gays. I feel cheated when I invest so much of my emotional energy swooning over a guy and he turns out to be a Wikipedia-confirmed-gay. For example,

Neil Patrick Harris

Matthew Bomer

[Aside: Also my own observation: No Neil is ever un-handsome! Also included names in this foolproof list are Thomas/Tom and Matt/Matthew. Go check! ]

Fictional characters in books and even movies. Currently, I am Sherlocked.

 

Also musicians, yes!

John Mayer (I know he’s a prick, but I totally get his songs! )

Ed Sheeran (This guy is something else!)

3.       My Imagination

God, if only I could allow you inside my brain like Dumbledore does with his pensieve (technically outside his brain)! The perfect guy in my imagination is a glorious man with pride, masculine grace, and all the superheroes of the world combined. He doesn’t need to shout because he is heard.

My imagination is not restricted to the ideal world. I totally indulge in daydreaming in real life too. I am automatically starry-eyed over guys who voraciously read.  I cannot stop looking over at a guy who is reading. C’mon, how romantic is a guy turning pages and smiling over what he just read!
I also remember guys by the romanticized titles I give them like ‘Lion Head’, ‘The Musician’, ‘John Galt’ (Atlas Shrugged Hero) etc. etc. There have been times when I’ve blurted out the ‘Code name’ completely forgetting his real name. That becomes awkward sometimes.

Any guy I meet is subjected to these kinds of tale-spinning of how-awesome-he-must-be usually followed by dawning of reality. That guy (let’s call him ‘Humpty Dumpty’) has a great fall and yes, no one can fix him in this side of the parallel universe either.
So to save myself from the giddy crush-disenchantment cycle, I now repeat to myself, even before I begin making stories: He’s not Batman. He’s not Batman. He’s not Batman.
It has worked for me up till now. Seriously.

The perfect guy is also how Adele describes him in her song ‘Daydreamer’: He can change the world with his hands behind his back; or how Beyonce sings in ‘Single Ladies’: Be the man that makes me, then takes me and delivers me to a destiny, to infinity and beyond.

Coming down to reality, if I try to pinpoint my type of guy, it is ‘The Sorted’. They exist, right?

Or else I’ll have to patiently wait (punctuated by impatient rants) until some dumb boy grows up. Sigh.

Coping with Dysphoria,

Signing off,

Tame SheWolf

WORDLY WISE:

“You see a lot of smart guys with dumb women, but you hardly ever see a smart woman with a dumb guy.”

-Anonymous