It's amazing how much pain your has to feel and how many tears you have to cry in order to convey that you really didn’t mean any harm….”
For half of you wondering who am I to concoct such a philosophical tenet ?
Well I conjecture how to portray my true self ! I it’s a strong word in itself...Full of the epitomized ego, pressured passions, vindictive vengeances. And all our lives we often gyrate in search of its true denotation and essence.
True very true…I really didn’t know who to cater these thoughts when all the people in the world shut their ears to your woes there you search the shoulder of a stranger to cry out the anguished suppressed cries!
There’s so much to my life …But, I wanted to appreciate how the little emotions make and break the motion of life.
Sitting within the four walls I lurk unrecognized of my ambitions…Watching the calendar dance to the rhythm of the air circulated by the creaking fan above. My mind being impatient and void at regular intervals. He didn’t know what I went through each day to understand my pain…but then even I wasn’t around the times he has been crashing down in pain since last one year.
We both succumbed to this weird functioning of our fate. Four years ago among couple of friend requests in the social networking site I stumbled upon him. It was a bizarre cross of destiny because I was a “walled girl” essentially; I didn’t acknowledge strangers stooping into my life. I didn’t have time to make new friends either because I couldn’t give time to the already existing ones. That’s when I say his fluke that I clicked “Yes” in confirmation of friendship request. Within seconds I see a message thanking me of being his friend!
I looked at the screen juxtaposed whether to reply or leave it otherwise but the display picture caught my eye. There he was smiling and the calmness of the eyes charmed me into replying.
I did reply with an air of attitude saying its ok…and then the conversation flowed in. Thinking my first reply to be the last message for the day what I saw ... I was locked in talk with this stranger for five long hours. We talked liked kindergarten friends, giggling over the messenger. I closed my eyes and said that’s it …it’s a mere fascination of meeting a new person that’s why I got lost into his world. Composing my feminity I stop myself from replying any further…I log out intentionally saying
“Have Work Catch Ya Later”..!!
I Stare…again and again …before pressing that enter and then finally Press it..To end this strange happiness that I was feeling.
There were a series of messages after that, he kept asking when i would be online again …give me a time please...I shall wait! Please be there I need to talk! Scared of his charming ways I stare simply stare! And shut the system altogether.