The Metro Public.
Date: 8/8/2012 10:56:00 PM
I love the stereotype Indian Society for one compelling factor, it never leaves you wanting for more, whatever be the topic. Those who get enraged while reading this, please don't mind, as main tumhe chodke baki sabki maa-behen karne wala hun!
Well, had there been a bike, or car, I would've preferred this as a silent protest to the outrageous hike in petrol prices, but, whatever be the reason, I have been traveling in the Delhi Metro quite a lot these days.
These frequent metro rides have been tiresome, entertaining, convenient and irritating at the same time. Tiresome, because getting a seat is as probable as backbenchers in school scoring in History. Rare and joyous. Convenient, because, Oh! eco-friendly ko goli maro it saves me from traveling by auto-rickshaws, which is worse, facing the intolerable heat and some arrogant drivers. Entertaining and irritating are two sides of a coin; what irritates me on some days, entertains me on others (“good mood days”). Source of the entertainment? The Metro Public.
1. The Push-Hurry-Push Ladies: Being a man with a lady, these are the ladies I observe everyday (such people would understand, considering they have to stand ON the line dividing the ladies & the universal coach). The coach may be crowded, but they cannot wait for the next metro coming in 3 minutes. They will push and slide in, sit on you nearly till you move/stand, and basically somehow manage to find a space to keep their butts. They are also the people who push and run out of the metro, are Maa-ki-Aankh of the “queue system”! Though, the male counterparts are less lucky, thanks to the tombs on their bellies. They too try hard to pack in, but then there's no unity. Andar wale bahar-walon ko ghusne hi nahi dete!
Dear PHP ladies & some fat-bad-mouth-ugly-middle-aged men,
Yes, time is precious. That’s why the Metro was made; a little patience and I assure, you won’t be late.
Helplessly Pushed and Crunched.
2. Mugglus: Why are the Men to blame the most always? Keeping aside that debate, I call these “Mugglus” because there is nothing magical about them(If you haven't seen any Harry Potter movie you are deemed outcast by the school-going teenagers here). Forget spells, these people don’t even seem to know the basic magic words “sorry, excuse me, thank you and it’s ok”. Crowded, semi-crowded, or empty, their footwear (and Over-weight) seem to be attracted to other feet. Mugglus everywhere!(I have written Mugglus instead of Muggles because many of you would have watched the Laws-of-Translation defying Hindi-dubbed versions!)
Mistakes happen, jerks happen, but the magic words should also be heard from you. And if it happens to you, avoid the stare and reciprocate with a simple two-word reply, or the free-of-cost smile.
A Small Wizard.
3. Too old to stand: There's this particular boy scampering into the metro at remarkable speed and literally jumping to grab a seat, trying to push and outdo the rest. Women do it too, but thanks to some God-given grace, they are more subtle in their seat hunt (hilarious giri hui khulasas exist). Please note this category is for people who are not actually old, but are quite young. Young enough to stand for a while. Or to give up their seat to people who need it.
Please grow up. Or should I say, act your age? Standing for a while won’t kill. Prove your coolness quotient by giving up your seat for that old woman out there standing, and waiting for someone to act compassionate.
Too kind to fight for a seat with a deserving.
4. Loudeys: They are the people who like having the world listen to their conversations(in regional dialects). These conversations are highly amusing and range from mourning about their favourite TV character being killed off, boss woes, boyfriend woes to anything and everything. It’s like an audio serial in itself, dramatic and funny. They clearly don’t die for a little privacy.
Its great to know that your BF/GF has left you for another GF/BF. Absorb it, it was gonna happen anyway. And thanks for the masala-movie-friendly critics review with sexual innuendos. I really don't want to watch Jism 2 now. "Sala Brahman ta para." Please don't shout at your top on phone inside a metro thinking that nobody would understand. There are some good Brahmins(Look at Me!) and civilized people from your region too. Technology ka watt na lagao.
5. Almost There: Yes, these are the people who are always almost there, but still somehow manage to reach at least 15 minutes after they were supposed to have reached (hypothetically of course). For them the Saket station equal to Central Secretariat, or even further. Yellow, purple, blue lines merge for them as they reply to the whereabouts queries on phone.
A little truth won’t kill. Your boss also lives in Delhi and understands unless he is a jerk-in-charge. Next time be more realistic, so that at least those “we-regret-the-inconvenience-caused” moments can save you a bit.
More Rides + Happy Mood - Lost in frustrations at the society and the system = Discovery of more such categories.
Maybe I will sometime add a paragraph on keenly observing a bunch of people sitting on the floor, discussing house-politics over food. Sharing is caring after all, floor or food. (Mind you, "Metro ke floor pe baithna mana hai", that's said by the heavy voice followed by the voice of a seemingly hot-girl-wearing-glasses, kind-of-uptight-librarian-on-the-outside-but-ready-to-rumble-in-the-inside!)
And the going-late-to-office-middle-aged-loafers, please do remember to zip your bulged-out-on-the-centre cotton pants before standing in front of sitting ladies. They do not run afforestation campaigns anyway, so you won't ever get a prize. (Sorry for the double meanings, but popularity ke liye satire me daalna padta hai!).
You want to share some other funny kinds of people you come across in the metro or during traveling with other people? Do share with me in comments!