Note: You will find some of the text in the other font, which are the 'voice(s) in my head'.
Back to square one. "Bigity bigity bang bang", I don't where I heard this but it is kind of stuck in my mind. And I say the phrase whenever I get into trouble. And this is a synonymous gesture to banging the head either on a table/wall/or both. Day before yesterday, we had a presentation. One thing is for sure, I suck. Tell something new, its' an old story on repeat mode. The thing called reading in mind doesn't usually work. I knew it earlier but didn't care much. Now, though I know, still I don't care much. Grow up, dude. Learn and avoid making mistakes. Thanks, but who was that ? Its' the same old story. In short, I go there, forget everything, stammer a lot, create something new, give a bad presentation despite of the individual feedback and the key points on which I was supposed to improve myself upon by my faculty who monitors these things.
Its deceiving, you know ? Everyone is not alike and every single person is not alike all the time. I am the 6E-ist at home and the time till step outside my room. I don't know what happens outside, but the next moment I see myself and say to myself, He is such an idiot, when I get back to my senses that the person that I was referring to is a reflection of a person who seems totally like me, Wait, thats' you only d#a#. I don't care much, I say so all the time , but I effing care about it all the time. Why dude ? Why bother ? You have a gf ? You want to impress someone or what ? The highlighter is that I have no such avocations. But then again, I want to impress. Who man? Sir? Madam? Who ? I am a man, so I think you get the rest of the story. So, the point is that "Nothing goes the way I plan" and I end up being a fool.
For starters or for the people who don't know me, here is a brief about the person who is wasting your time. Dude, come on, Nobody knows you here and those who know you don't give a rats ass about what you write or have to say. May be because you don't speak much. Well, this guy just broke the ice and took all the thunder away. So, heres the thing. I don't speak much. Buckle up! I know that. Get to the point where you explain the reason for that. Reason ? Why bother? Isn't it easier and better to categorize me into something called "Stupid People". Enough of your bulls#it, get to the point. I don't really know the reason why I don't. Is it because
- I over think the other person's response before I even deliver my thoughts ?
- I am not sure what the response would be when I say something ?
- I can see the other persons' feelings on their face ?
- I am not sure what the other person would feel about my opinion ?
- If I speak out, I might remove the little doubt about how stupid I am?
May be, these could be the reasons. So, in short I tend to think what the other person would feel/think when I say something. If they don't reply back, it will be evident from the expression they project. Isn't it obvious to find out when someone thinks that the other person is such a boring person. And this is the reason why don't get into everybody's business and poke everyone every time. I leave the people to their thoughts and their dreams. :P
Its' a whole different story altogether over the net. I usually can't see the other person's face. I could speak anything may be because I don't see the others reaction to it except what they reply. Call me a (well, your choice) .
So, recently I kind of made an online friend. Don't go through the 1190 people in my facebook, more than half of them are photographers from all over the world and the half of the remaining half are the profiles to share the photos and the rest is those people whom I know which filter out to nearly 300, lets say. Well, AruP..PAru... Pari (Jumbled the letters and came up with that). Thats' something, right? Ok, fine! AP (fine with that?). Man, You totally suck at that! [And if you(AruP) are reading this, don't kill me]. The common thing is that we both blog and the difference is that I come up with nonsense in my blog while AP comes up with mind-blowing posts. Well, anyway AP is really a nice person. Moving On.
Now, coming the to side-header. People keep asking me, telling me, referring me, etc things that I am one silent person and they've quite made up their minds, well at least some of them. The new people I meet would ask me the reason and tell me to speak up more often , while some of the other new think I am pretending to be a nice guy and does things perfectly. Thats' a sarcastic remark, dude. Yeah, I know that, thanks for mentioning again.
By the way, I mentioned about the online friend because AP would be surprised if we meet in person and then I would be the silent guy and AP would be pretty confused whether I am the same person who met over the web at Twitter. So, what do you want me to do about it, huh? Now, loose the baloon, cut the chase, skip the topic.
...Awkwardness. Okay, Now I have to tell this. Till now, I would get some sort of Super Power in some point of time. But when I shared a photo on the facebook, more like a meme kind of thing, I cam to know there are so many other people like me hoping that some miracle would happen and get to one of the super hero of their dreams. Well, now on, I might have to subside this pat of my imagination. Hmm... that would mean I have to stop thinking 90% of what I think. Seriously, thats' something man. You are a superhero for 90% of your thoughts.
I've another super-quality. I can over think and just don't see what going on in front of me. Lemme simplify it a bit. We usually have classes and I, as a known fact don't know anything. Each morning I make up my mind that I will have to buckle up and show what I got (though, I got nothing, just like some inspiration to work on). So, the classes begin and I am attentive the first few minutes, hmm... more like 1 minute. Then I don't know what happens, I get to my senses when the person teaching makes eye contact with me. I was projecting some movie in my mind which hmm, well I shouldn't say. You can relate it to the above mentioned para and rest of the time its me kicking some ass where ever the mind pleases to go.
Infatuation.Here, someone got to help me. Here's the thing. There are so many good looking people around. There have been and there are and probably there will be. Its always about the other sex, right? My post on the same is resting in the drafts which I will publish once I am through it. So, here me again, silent,calm, minding my own business ( WHICH IS ?) , not-giving-a-s#it-about-anything, or so I pretend. There are some people that get stuck in the mind, and no matter I try I can't get rid of them. So, I ask myself? Do I like them ? Hell No. Do I love them ? Common, man, its me here. Love? *shrugs*.What is that supposes to mean ? What? You got to be kidding me ! You are asking the wrong question. (Moving on with the questions). At least do I know them or vice versa. Hmm, I know some, some know me( I guess so). Well, the point is or the question is : What is that supposed to mean ? Throw some light, if you happen to know anything about it. Why I mentioned this is because referring above to sentence where I mentioned about the 90% thing, contains one of these characters also. And AP(AruP, Pari), this is what I wanted to ask.(Not exactly, but its something like a beginning which I said I would mention).
God Damn Voice(s) in the head,Why don't you effing work with me when I am writing an exam where you could help me with some of the answers? There you won't, but here you will make me the stupidest person. I wonder how many voices speak in my head that I loose track of what I am doing /thinking , which sometimes is insanely insane. And one more thing, SHUT UP, will you ? Sufferer.
P.S. : Such a waste of time. You could have watched that Abraham Lincoln and the Vampire Hunter Movie instead, right ?