Blog :Hodgepodge and Balderdash
Date: 7/9/2012 2:59:00 PM
My eyes are open. Its way past midnight as per my estimate. I have been lying with my eyes open for a while now. I stare at the ceiling, trying to make out vague patterns there. I stare at the fan. Its turning very slowly. Its too cold to turn up the speed and me and my sister are weird about sleeping without the fan on. We can't sleep if we don't hear the reassuring sound of the contraption turning overhead. My sister twiches in her sleep and rolls over. She seems to stir for a minute before she falls back into blissful oblivion. She doesn't even bother opening her eyes. She buries herself under the comforter, snuggles up to her favourite pillow and sleeps. I look away from her and look at the ceiling again.
I can make out the shapes of everything in the room. The cupboards, the table and chair, the pictures on the wall. The whole room is bathed in the eerie yellow glow from the street lamps that filter in through the gauzy grey curtains at the window. I can make out the outlines of trees and leaves reflected on the walls of the bedroom. I can hear dogs barking somewhere. The stillness of the night broken by their howls and the swift passing of the rare vehicle. I tell myself I should be sleeping. I curl up in my favourite position and close my eyes. I will myself to sleep. But it never comes.
I try couting sheep. I try counting from one to hundred and counting backwards from hundred. I try reciting the alphabet backwards. I try remembering the capitals of random countries, hoping the effort will lull me to sleep. It doesn't. I think of snagging my ipod from the table and listening to some music for a while. It usually helps me sleep. But the room is cold, and I am too tired to get out from under the overs and make the effort. I think of reading too but, reading will only keep me awake till morning. I know that for sure. I roll around, trying to settle into a comfortable position so that I can sleep. It doesn't work.
I try to think happy thoughts. I try regulating my breathing- taking long deep breaths to calm my mind and body. I think about checking my phone to see if any of my friends are still up but, am so damn sure everyone is fast asleep that I don't even bother. I try emptying my head of all coherent thought in an attempt to fade into sleep. Even that doesn't work. I give up almost all hope of getting my sleep. Yet another night of restless tossing and turning with absolutely no hope of some shuteye. Another morning of trudging out of bed, eyes bleary and bloodshot and mouth set in a scowl because I can feel the beginning of a faint pounding around my temples. And I toss and turn till the faint light of the morning sun starts to seep through the curtains and steal its way across to my bed. I close my eyes to blot it out, and manage to catch a couple of hours of sleep before my sister wakes me up.
Yes, I'm going through yet another bout of insomnia. Its been happening on and off for years now. It comes and goes in waves- comes out of the blue, stays for a couple of weeks max and then disappears. It'll pass, am sure. It always does. :)