Sometimes more, sometimes less.
Every night, weary thoughts fill my head,
Makes me lay awake in a real cozy bed.
Pretty clothes, shoes, accessories and all the make up,
Fail to hide the blues, my face shows up.
Eyes look puffy and lips look numb.
Pretty much sure, I'll end up as society's another victim.
If God really exists and we are all his puppets.
Why did he make me so broken yet moppet?
People say, "You're beautiful.. inside."
Why didn't He make me beautiful outside?
If surface beauty means nothing,
Why does pretty faces get everything?
I know, I am a mess,
And this is completely injustice.
May be if I had a pretty face,
Fair skin, a nice body and a little grace,
Then may be, I didn't have to prove my existence,
Every now and then.
I'll never be good enough for them,
Initially they never consider me as a gem.
Everything I want is worth fighting for,
But not everything is worth dying for.
I am sick and tired now,
For how long do I have to fight to keep the vow?
The vow, I made to a couple of souls,
Who think that I play one of the important roles.
You don't know how does it feel when someone else gets chosen over you,
The feeling, I'm dealing with is nothing new.
I don't remember what's the best thing, happened to me in past 6 years,
I was only embraced by insecurities and fears.
I wish this was all a lie, an illusion or a nightmare.
I wish if I could just wake up and realize it wasn't there.
Make me skinny, Make me beautiful,
Or just take away all these feelings, so awful.
P.S. It's funny, how till yesterday, I was fine with the pain and the little joy. I don't feel the same now. I said, I'll be fine but it's easier said then done. Especially when someone keeps making you feel how terrible you are. I was sort of contented. I was doing what I wanted. I know what I am, who I am and where do I stand in people's life. You don't have to make realize it again and again and again.