Sir,
Fresh out of the media bakery, I am told that I will have to make a portfolio and indulge in frills like a cover letter to go with it. These, I understand, will help me land a job. A CV is reasonable but why the prospective employer would be taken with gratuitous words like ‘ambitious’, ‘dedicated’ and ‘team player’ on a piece of word document pompously called ‘Cover Letter’ when any average brain can mint these at the breakneck speeds you get when the carrot of a pay-cheque is dangled in front of his eyes, that sincere query is left unaddressed.
Sir, I do not wantthis job. I am not the most stable employee if that is what you are looking at. I have plenty of weaknesses and nosir, ‘working too hard’ isn’t one of them. ‘Freelance’ as my choice would have indicated the same. What I want is to study further – literature, if you must know. I am passionate about the language and, if you excuse my vocabulary, anal about perfecting the same. Sadly, capitalism and the inflation of the day doesn’t intend to let me do so. If the job description floated on naukri.com is to be believed, this is just the right kind I am looking for so that I can save up money while juggling my career interests.
Before giving in to the grind of money-lust, I had my résumé tediously put together. After the impulsive test I gave (before which you had never warned about the necessity of a cover letter, let me point out), I was told I’d need the cover letter as well. So I looked up the concept of one and found it atrociously passé, conventional yet self-righteous. Hence, this. You may skip the ‘Cover’ part.
I don’t aim at shock value; I only seek money without bending to the plastic norms demanded by Job-Hunter’s Diplomacy. Frankly, personal merits notwithstanding, I can’t sell myself on that basis. But if I am rejected on the basis of the audacity of this cover letter, I guess I will have to write a new one, complete with flowers and fragrance. O Deity, I call upon thee to save me from the horror.
Header, Introduction, Content and Closing done, the templates now tell me to sign off with ‘Yours very truly’. I guess I might as well.
Yours very truly,
Omkar Khandekar.