Blog :Life and Times in Bangalore
Date: 6/18/2012 3:35:27 AM
A weekend went by with incident. Son sprained his ankle in a football game and winced a lot consistently for hours after. For a kid whose pain threshold is equal to a strong woman’s pain tolerance (that is a LOT, right?), we take it seriously when he reports pain.
He refused to miss school, limping away with a note to miss sports. We had a major morning planned at the pool, my dining table was just full of some 10 bags packed the night before to ensure they had their uniforms and swim stuff and all….seeing him struggle to stand up, chanting ‘I can do it, I can do it….’ was enough to just run a warm bath and seat him inside it….calming and good for his ankle.
Was trying to get him to agree to stay at home, saying resting it will help him walk without pain sooner et al. Asked him why it was so important to go to school like this, saying there’s no glory in putting yourself through this. He goes,’I have to help my team in school (they have a group responsible for certain activities every few days like rolling mats, cleaning up, et al), I have to help my buddy (a younger kid who has been paired up in true Montessori style)…and I want to make sure I get all checks in my year end report – I don’t want gaps for things I haven’t learned, Amma!’
Their school report has all activities/skills/learning areas listed out over several pages with different skill levels reported – introduced, working on, mastered, etc. And with his not being as engaged with learning in the past couple of years, that report is not as dense as he would like it to be.
For the first time, I felt like I was part of the ‘giving wings’ part of parenting – the visible effects of how far he has come in the past few months. I could have forced him to stay home, taking the choice out of his hands completely. Part of me wishes I did that. The other part’s arguing away intensely, saying if he does not have real control, when will he learn to make choices and live with the consequences?
Daughter made an impassioned plea – ‘you ask me what I would do, right? I would stay home and rest my foot, that is what all of us would do, S!’ Yeah, some drama for an hour starting at 5.45 am, Monday morning. He listed out the activities that he can participate in without moving much, voluntarily asking for a note to stay inside during sports. This, knowing my sports crazy son, says a lot of his discomfort.
It also luckily says a lot about his school. Love the way his teachers have facilitated the sense of belonging, matching him up with a softer child in Std. I is an act of genius. Apparently this child speaks in his ‘inside voice all the time, even outside’. So, son feels the need to modulate his volume (normally set on high to max) to make sure his buddy doesn’t get scared of him.
Fingers crossed that it is only a sprain and that the day passes without too much incident. I know some drama will be extracted of the scenario but hey, he’s a kid after all. For the first time today, I feel confident that he has come some ways from where we were in December last year. Now, if we can work on his self esteem and get him to believe he actually has the ton of potential he really does, the world stands a +1 chance of a successful, well functioning individual. How does one function with all fingers crossed so much of the time?!
Have a wonderful week!
P.S.: Did you see Satyameva Jayate this week? Domestic violence but most notable for the activist who gave the most succinct definition of patriarchy I have heard so far, spoke of how the pendulum swinging towards matriarchy is also unacceptable…self deprecating humour and super content. It helped mitigate the bad taste in mouth from watching interviews of men saying how they do hit their wives when they come home and don’t find rotis made after a rough day’s work. Please, please watch it and spread the message. When roughly one in every two women (conservative estimate) has to deal with domestic violence, we need to sit up and listen. The activist (have to find her name) also mentioned that women have to break out of their conditioning. Wonderful, wonderful explanations. If this does not hit home, then little else will. This topic is worthy of more than a post script. A post will have to follow and shall.