As I am typing I quickly glance at the calendar to count thedays that remain. It says 8. People are busy typing in all the good thingsabout their batch-mates in Mélange. I also have 4 such blocks.
This reminds me of the last game we friends played on thelast working day at school. There was no portal, no keyboard, no hiding behinda computer screen. We sat around a desk, all of us in our group. We said goodthings about each one of us. We also said bad things about each one of us. Somethings did hurt; but at the end of the session, I surprisingly felt a lot cozierabout our relationships. There was nothing to hide; nothing to repent about.Nothing was there to hail about what a great school we had and also no doubtabout the awesome life each one of us is going to have. We made promises aboutkeeping in touch and happily broke them afterwards.
I am going to do that here, now.
My grad university is, no doubt, very good. My batch matesare, even better. They are brilliant and the college is charming. I accept thatand acceptance is bliss.
But on a deeper level, the ‘bliss’ is somewhere absent. Willmy parents, my families, all those people who support and love me be also in ‘bliss’if I end up in a moribund career in a cubicle? Or probably even not gettingthat? Why should there even be ‘bliss’ if we have to panic about our immediate future?After all we came to BITS Pilani to gain a good career. Somewhere things didnot work out even with or without efforts. Initially I was thinking my lowperformance was entirely my fault. But when the teacher himself tells me today thatthere are problems in the system, I am forced to think otherwise.
Complaining about external causes is a sign of weakness (accordingto OB ;-) ) and I am therefore weak. But I am at least genuine and honest inwhat I believe unlike some who thoughtlessly hail something as great orgarbage. My only regrets will be that Idid not remain the one I used to be before coming here and that I could havebeen way more valuable by not wasting my productive four years here. And I tellyou; this is the worst feeling to leave a college with, that too with a 4 year experience which you can have only oncein your life.