When we talk of Cult Films, we talk of The Godfather, StarWars or Sholay. Ask a guy born in the 90’s that, and they will tell you “HarryPotter” or “Twilight”. My blood boils like the 80’s heroes when I hear it.
I liked Harry Potter some years ago, but now when I see it,it’s a different story. I search around for some booze or weed. For Pete’s sakeit’s almost a Stoner Movie!! Kids were getting stoned so early, jostles bybrain all over Dumbledore’s beard. Ultimately, I tell you the whole plot ofHarry Potter was a conspiracy of Ms McGonagall (Ex-Head of Gryffindor) tobecome Headmistress of Hogwarts. She played the good lady with the dirty plan.I half think it, maybe, resembles the true character of the book’s author. Yousee, introspect a little deeper, JK Rowling used the same method. She waited 7books for the kids to grow up in awe of Harry Potter and now that they turnadults, she decides to write a mature adults book. Get it? Ms McGonagall waitedfor long as Head of Gryffindor then happily shouts when leaving out a spell toguard Hogward’s after Dumbledore dies? Conspiracies Child she was!
Leave that out, hey you born in the 90’s; have ever wonderedhow the Harry Potter and 4-5 batches before him and after him could be goodwizards? Goodness gracious, they hardly wrote a final examination!! Yet theypass year after year after year! Where do I get admission in such a college inthe Muggle world? And, also notice how Lord Voldemort – okay – that-nose less-guy-who-shouldn’t-be-namedfigures out – “Hey! Semesters ending, lets attack Harry. Rest of the year theycan play Quidditch!” Atrocious plot!
And come on! Snape loved Harry’s mom? She married Harry’sdad and finally Snape ends up protecting Harry? Wait, didn’t we make this storyline in Kollywood or Bollywood in the 70’s or 80’s? Damn it, we just forgot toadd spells!!
Forget Potter, we will forgive him because at least thewitches there decided who’s the wizard they need to hook up with, but BELLA!Oh, BELLA!!! She is one kind of a lady. From Twilight till Breaking Down she isin one utter-confusion. Women are a confused species. I get that, it’s a partof how nature created them but Bella is not the confused one. She is theopportunistic cunning one. You don’t agree? It’s what I like to call the “HairAxiom”
Very simple, Bella chose the man who had lesser facial/bodyhair. Asked, to choose between a vampire and a werewolf. The lesser hairedmyriad creature wins. It’s true in real life as well. Ask a woman to choosebetween a large moustache and heavily bearded guy against a clean shaven guy.You know who the odds are against. Bella used the same “Hair Axiom”.
And moreover, let me validate my point. Till she actuallyfinds out that werewolf fellow is a werewolf she almost dated him, but when shefound out he is one hairy creature she kept him as Back-Up! Back-up, but didn’tlet him go. Thus this whole Twilight issue was so simple to crack but then theybring in other vampires, fights between werewolf-vampires, policemen, some obscurevampire rulers and other nonsense. You at least expected a good climax fightbut then what happens – NOTHING! Only long sessions of lovemaking of Bella.That cunning pale girl!
And what more reason do you need, to figure out Twilight is nota Cult movie but maybe a C*** Movie? Oh, yes this vampire has diamonds in hisbody when he comes in contact with sunlight. And why wouldn’t Bella choosethem?
Go watch Sholay.
Go watch Godfather.
Or if you still care todisagree;
Go burn yourself like a vampire or Avada Kedavra yourself!