Blog :Purnima Prabhu
Date: 1/26/2012 8:05:00 AM
I'm at loss of words when I try to say something about my daughter. It sounds vague but I still have phases of disbelief that I have given birth to a baby. She is miraculous, angelic and devilish at the same time.
I had a planned C -section. I was admitted to the hospital the night before, and what a night that was! Full of anticipation, excitement, and relief that finally those 9 months have gone by. Fear was overshadowed by all these emotions. In fact, I even took permission to take a look at the OT. The wide array of neatly kept instruments and vials of medicines looked appealing.
The next day, in semi conscious state, I saw the nurse take my baby away for cleaning. I was surprised even then, like I never expected a baby to come out of me!!
'That's it? Done?' I asked the doctors.
'Yes. Of course.' one of them replied and smiled.
'So, is it a girl or a boy?'
'What did you want?'
'Umm... let's see... my husband wanted a boy and I wanted a girl. Who won?'
'You did. It's a girl.'
I was stupefied... for all those experienced ladies'(including my mom and MIL) predictions that I was gonna have a baby boy, I had pink in store for me. I was proud... I was super happy. My deep,secretly hidden wish to bear a daughter was fulfilled.
That's her! Crying in full glory!
We named her 'Aarnavi', which means as large hearted as an ocean. The name was decided by me and KK, long time back. We loved the meaning and the way it sounded.
Mothering is not an easy task. Just because moms make it look simple, doesn't mean it is a cake walk. There have been times when I have broken down and cried over not being able to be a perfect mom. I realise that even I need time to get adjusted to the baby. Physically as well as emotionally.
I was in huge emotional mess due to physical constraints. Delivering C section came with its disadvantages. Initially, limited mobility, absolute necessity of rest, the twitching and the heaviness kept me from caring for my baby. And I am not the most ideal person with patience in hand. I thought everything falls into place once the baby is out. I was mistaken. I had to learn everything.
Mothering is a natural instinct, everyone said. Perhaps only the emotional part comes naturally. Everything else, needs to be learnt from the scratch. From how to hold the baby to breastfeeding it, requires some time and technique.
No two days are similar for me. There are ups and downs. And I am trying to learn on how to increase my patience level, and not feel demotivated each time I fail to do something perfectly.
As my child teaches new lessons everyday, I am coming to learn those big and small aspects of motherhood. It's difficult but not impossible.
My darling has brought me and KK even closer. We both are amazed at her little antics. The sudden smile, the loud wail, she has your nose, she has my feet, she stays up all night- must be your trait...
Husband's already in the US. Waiting for us to join him there. Till then we both are trying to get to know each other. :)
Blissfully unaware of the circus she creates around the house, she sleeps!
P.S. More posts in line. Kindly check.