The Mayans are awaiting you. They chose this year for asignificant reason. 2012 will not occur ever again. That is the one heartcringing reasoning they took to choose this fateful year. How do I know this? Iam a Mayan. Yes, don’t tell the guys at FBI. My great-great-great grand-unclesthird cousins’ second wife’s fourth daughter’s neighbor saved my father bysending him to Bosnia during the time we Mayans were almost extinct due to somenotorious colonizers who invaded us for the sheer pleasure of figuring out iftheir swords cut.
I was chosen to tell our story because the village headmanin 1900 BC predicted I will live to see this year. Errrr… Die this year. So first let us first put thetrue fact of why 2012 was chosen aside. We had a huge circular piece of somestrong metal that we inscribed numbers from 1. Yes, we the Mayans had anumerical system. We were highly qualified educational people, frankly anequivalent to your IIT guys. But we only petted CATs. So this huge circularpiece took 3 years to inscribe our numerical system to teach our kids, thespace allowed only numbers 1-2012 to be inscribed. Basically the Mayans didn’tknow numbers after 2012. Some super intelligent folks at archaeology figuredout we were actually doing a calendar and declared the Mayans are predictingthe world will end this year. We played along. Their naivety is counting doomon themselves now.
But hell, why spoil a tragic story with true facts. Let metell you what my folks passed on through years as to why 2012? There was avillage headman, yes the same dude who predicted I will die this year with you.He was sleeping one fine night with some unknown Mayan woman (Hush! Hush!) whenhe dreamt stars that were shaped 22.214.171.124. He awoke with sweaty glands and wentstraight to the intelligent drunkard friend and prayed to show him thesignificance of the vision. He was told “Dude that is the number of woman youwill lay.” The village headman ran to the temple priest to confirm this greatnews who in jealousy changed the vision saying “That is doomsday!” I stillwonder if 2012 happened to our headman. Lucky dude!
Then in the year 34 A.D. a Mayan boy was being thoughtnumbers and his teacher to test him asked him to repeat in reverse the numbersfrom 2 and end with the start number again. So the boy went “126.96.36.199”. Theteacher tricked the boy to reverse it now. So the Boy went “188.8.131.52…….”suddenly the teacher had a heart attack because of the low quality weed he hadtaken last night. The boy told this story to the village elders that he diedafter 2012 was spelt out. The elders confirmed this story about the villagepriest prophecy and the number was declared taboo. Thus what continued wasdeaths due to the low quality weed but 2012 was declared the cause. In simplewords, the Mayan version of “Avada Kedavra” was “2012”.
Years glided by and someone bought the concept of Friday the13th. If I’m right it was done by this fellow who didn’t want tomarry an ultra thin woman (being fat was considered good then) and gave thereason she was born on Friday the 13th. So this concept followed upto even make a movie titled the same. I’ll let you on a huge secret now.“Friday the 13th happens three times in 2012 in January, April andJuly” and if you add up the first three or last three digits of 2012. What doyou get? 3!
So 3 = 3 Friday the 13ths= DIE!
Sir, across all these true stories is something you allfailed to look into as to why these billions of people will die. The greatAmerican history of controlling the world and making people fear them startedwith us the Mayans. Yes, we are a Meso AMERICAN civilization. To instill thefear of death is the ultimate fear a man can be given. We started the terrorismof the mind which is followed till date. The American knowledge of saving theworld finished when the movie 2012 released (they will go to different planetit seems, rubbish!) Hollywood relied on the Mayans for their world savingscripts. Now Mayans will take revenge! We will make sure you are not saved atthe end of a million dollar movie. Death will triumph.
But what nails the fact that 2012 is the last year of theEarth is another prophecy the village headman’s third wife told. She in orderto remain thin followed a diet and told in her death bed that this method willcome back to earth after thousands of years. And that shall indicate when theearth will end. What was that method called? It’s not striking me, some weirdname it had. Something called LokPal I think.
Anyway, Happy New Year!