Some mysteries and puzzles of life just bedazzle you with the intensity they come with, you feel blinded yet awakened somewhere deep within. Finding a clearer view of what just flashed before your eyes takes a longer time sometimes. And a life time sometimes. I so wish to adjust my eyes to this kind of dazzle as soon as I can do, the universe has it's own plans though.
Two years ago, when my prayers were answered and my angel was called back
, I was just puzzled by the timing. Deep in my heart I knew it was designed by my angel herself. She did not want her mama to be lonely ever, even on the dreaded day, so she ensured she will be surrounded by some friend's good wishes on the day and the next few days every year. No matter who remembers and who doesn't, who chickens out to talk to a lowly voice, there will be some oblivious voices chirpily wishing and uplifting her mama's spirits ....year after year, right at the time when she needs it the most.
Her mama was puzzled, as it seemed like slipping into a dream or waking up from a dream suddenly. It was like we were holding water between our palms and it just trickled down when we woke up.
I used to a have a recurrent dream in my childhood days that Santa or someone similar has given me something precious and I am holding it into my palm. Tightly secured, fearing I would loose it as soon I loosened the grip. Every time I would suspect it was a dream and that my fists would be empty when I wake up, yet I would keep my fist tightly closed to protect my gift. And every single time I would find my fist empty when I woke up.
I had the same feeling just 5 days after Christmas that year...I was so possessive of her and she was gone in an instant and it felt like she slipped off my tight fist without my realising. Like I just woke up to a dream with empty hands, still feeling that touch on my skin.
Puzzled,baffled...flummoxed.....just about the timing. The result, the day and the final moment was very much in my awareness but this timing was puzzling me really. It is opening up to me now, block by block as I understand what it is that she wanted. She, my gift from God himself, wanted her mama to wish the world for a happy new year every year.
It just happened to me that I was feeling it hard to wish everyone on facebook or on my blogs or even through texting as I never want the wishes to be empty or fake. If it doesn't come from the heart it is not to be communicated for me. And it was not coming form the heart till now. I was even finding it tough to reply the wishes sent by dear friends. At the same time it came earlier than the last year on this occasion
...... even though I am all alone at home this time, the husband being away for work.
And then I realised that it would now come naturally to me as it used to be...wishing everybody honestly , heartfelt wishes.
See me next year friends...my angel has done a miracle for me.
Her mama is growing rows of flowers and sending you all heartfelt wishes for the year to come.