Oye! You there, YOU! Yes, you who think it’s a F1 car youdrive. Enna Da? Enna I ask? These roads are bloody two way roads in which onlyhalf a car can traverse. And you, who drives zipping in and out withoutthinking how that half car can give you space. See, either you actually buy aF1 car so we will give you the respect it needs or sell that old Maruti Car youhave styled like a F1 and buy a seat to watch the next race at Buddhh Circuit.Slimy piece of steel with a burrrr engine you drive. Thale, you itself tell me?Yes Thale, you the reader only. How can we drive peacefully in this traffic? Isay, drink and drive maybe should be allowed. So, all of us can drive the same.
But you know that Big Green Color huge butt thing that goesall over the city. Yessir, that MTC buses or whatever you call it in Bombay? Ohyes, BMTC it is. Seen that fellow drive? Wait, that Bhaiyya in the driver seatna, in his previous life he was actually the fellow in the huge bulldozer thatrazed buildings down. Aap hi boilye? Haan Bhabhiji aap hee. Bhabhiji who isstanding in the bus stand goes 10 meters backward scared that the bus willoverrun her. Paavam Bhabhiji! Blow the conductors whistle at his own ear,Bhabhiji. Just do it! I tell you, maybe she should gulp a little of cough syrupif not rum to get used to travelling in big green or red buses, after all shehas to also get used to the misbehaving men in the buses.
Anna wait, wait. Not over. You know our Auto Driver Anna’sle? They are not like how our “Super Star” Rajini told they will be in Basha.Cha, most of them are this “veetle sollitu vanthutiya” types. You have to holdyour heart in your throat when they drive. And ayyo, you ask them to drop youfrom Kodambakkam to Nungambakkam they will charge you 150Rs, then talk of theeconomic and petrol situation as if they are Montek Singh Ahluwalia’s ResearchAssistant. Anna, I will give you the money! Don’t tell me what “Dhina Thanthi”or “Times of India” is telling you. I read “The Hindu”. Ok va, I will throwEnglish words at you that your auto will push you out on its own. But then youwill throw Tamil expletives at me that I will have to feel blood in my ears. Itell you, stop at the nearest TASMAC and va, quarter cutting!
Babu, that bike drivers are there na. Ya raa, two wheels butdriving Titanic type fellow. He is very dangerous babu. Actually, that twowheeler fellow is driving a roller coaster. Suddenly, he will twist his bikeand turn one left as if he is making “Jalebi” with his hands. Then raa, what hewill do know, he will take his cellphone out of his pocket and talk to Obama.Yes, raa he does. Very urgent call! That time you know he will block oneMercedes behind him and go slow. You see carefully driving and talking itseems. Others raa, they will put their phone in the left ear and hold it withtheir cheeks almost touching shoulder style, then their bike also will startmoving left with them. Deii hold the steering straight at least da. Naansensefellow, I say. And our lady beauties, they will hold the mobile and SMS whiledriving. That time also they won’t stop and call. SMS or Miss Call only. Youitself “Cheppu babu”, with these two wheeler fellows maybe we should at leastsip whiskey once in a while like drinking lemon juice in every traffic signalin summer.
Hmmm... So cars, buses, autos and bikes. What disaster Isay! What a tragedy to driving they are. Oh! Sorry, not those machines! Deimachaa, it’s you who are driving them le? Arrey yaar, you will only turnignition and drive. How can I leave you out raa? So you there na, yes you!Public Buplic audience. You walk on the road as if the road was built by yourgreat grand daddy. You pay taxes re, agreed. Totally, absolutely agreed. Butthat tax money from you, one person, was probably enough for only 1 sq ft. sodon’t talk as if full NH 4 belongs to you. Or either you should have your nameas Nelson Manickam or Mahatma Gandhi, and then I will believe the road isyours. Those small boys cross the road as if they are in the playground and thesebig men cross the road as if they are in a zoo. What will the drivers do then?They will run you over or else screech the vehicle to a stop so that accidentswill happen. So, you the Janata, how are you using the roads? Jaywalking! AndOho! I forgot to say, all the nice ladies of this great country. You areallowed to catwalk on ramps only! Not on roads, no no no. You listen to me andlisten very carefully, walk across quick when you cross roads. Alright? Walkand not, catwalk. Oh God! You itself tell me now, only “raw ah” drinks will doright? On the rocks is what this country needs.
No! Not liquor on the rocks. Your head thrashed onto therocks to teach you some road ethics, I say!
P.S : Inspired by the writing style of LocalTeaParty, Whohas been such a sport and encouraged this post ! : Also, Thanks Shuaib For the awesome cartoons :)
*All cases are subject to the jurisdiction of the High Courtof Pluto*
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