Author : Anuradha      Blog : Stars and Synapses      Date : 5/7/2013 5:47:00 PM

'If I've worked really hard on something, I expect at least a tiny bit of appreciation for it, like any sane person would. If I don't get any, how am I supposed to get the motivation to carry on?Is it too much to ask for?'

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Apparently, I am a danger to other women.

Author : Anuradha      Blog : Stars and Synapses      Date : 5/1/2013 5:59:00 PM

'A country like India is never free from mind-boggling problems with no apparent solutions. Now, this very minute, the only thing every woman living here cares about is her (questionable) safety from the surprising number of rapists, molesters, murderers and acid-throwers who freely roam the streets by night, day, and at all other times. Not surprising, given the recent spate in brutal rape cases that make us want to give up reading the morning paper altogether. But life goes on, you(...)'

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Author : Anuradha      Blog : Stars and Synapses      Date : 4/23/2013 4:30:00 AM

'Being happy again.'

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Author : Anuradha      Blog : Stars and Synapses      Date : 3/24/2013 5:29:00 PM

'I cried last week.I don't cry unless I'm compelled to. And then I never cry in public. I don't know why, but some part of me probably perceives it as a sign of weakness.So I cried last week, and when I did, I was lying in bed, crying silently into my pillow, so that I wouldn't wake up the rest of the house.I don't particularly enjoy crying, but it's useful, sometimes. When I cry because I'm stressed out and have too much to do, I let the tears fall and sob and sob and sob until ther(...)'

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Author : Anuradha      Blog : Stars and Synapses      Date : 3/10/2013 7:02:00 PM

'I'm done.If I've hurt your feelings, I'm sorry.'

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Happy new year!

Author : Anuradha      Blog : Stars and Synapses      Date : 1/2/2013 5:10:00 PM

'2012 started out fine. It changed colours somewhere along the way. It's been a rough year. Here's to hoping that the new one will treat me better.Happy new year, fellow bloggers :)'

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Author : Anuradha      Blog : Stars and Synapses      Date : 12/11/2012 11:46:00 PM

'One bad day after another.Realizing that everything I'd painstakingly put together to keep myself happy, is slowly falling apart, slipping away. I can't fix it. I've tried, failed miserably, and wept.I wish I could pack a few random objects into a bag and travel around the world. Go to a little-known corner of it, spend a month there in the company of complete strangers, and maybe, just maybe, it'll all come together.'

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Author : Anuradha      Blog : Stars and Synapses      Date : 12/5/2012 8:30:00 PM

'Emotions.So many emotions, they will overwhelm me soon. I could've gotten rid of them as soon as they appeared. I could've tried. No, I let them be, I let them grow, I encouraged them. I let myself believe in them. I threw logic and reason out of the window. I let my emotions paint me into what can only be called a mess.And one fine day it all hits me, and my pen traces the words this is stupid, in barely legible writing, yet again.The emotions remain. They will continue to torment me.'

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Author : Anuradha      Blog : Stars and Synapses      Date : 10/29/2012 5:22:00 PM

'You remind me time and again why I love losing myself in a good book, quietly letting it take me where it wills.'

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A-year-and-six-months

Author : Anuradha      Blog : Stars and Synapses      Date : 10/14/2012 6:32:00 PM

'"You know how people say 'something inside me just died'? Well, that's what happened to me." - SAs she put it so well. We'll miss you.'

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Author : Anuradha      Blog : Stars and Synapses      Date : 9/1/2012 6:59:00 PM

'Last month was a whirlwind of birthdays and emotions and tests and stress and tears, all of which resulted in frayed nerves.I see the two of them nearly every day and form opinions that no one understands, or agrees with. They simply add to the clutter in my head. I've been putting this and that off for so long, because I can't think these days. Unfortunately, I also care about you enough to make my head explode once in a while. And you have no idea, so this makes me look like a pat(...)'

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August

Author : Anuradha      Blog : Stars and Synapses      Date : 8/9/2012 10:00:00 AM

'It's been a while. We seem to be wandering in circles, and your circles are just like mine, but we aren't getting anywhere. Meanwhile, life must go on and the usual things demanding my attention must be attended to.I know I shouldn't hide anything from you but there'd be problems with that, just as there are problems with everything else. And then I wonder why I feel so stressed out.As much as I don't want to, I could safely ignore you for...a month? Two, maybe?'

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Author : Anuradha      Blog : Stars and Synapses      Date : 7/25/2012 2:30:00 PM

'It takes only a few minutes of being around them and their infectious smiles to forget about everything else, to stop listening to the voices in my head. Oh, how I adore them. I'm glad they exist.I wish they'd talk to me every minute of every day.Three weeks of not being able to channelize my mental faculties into something productive. I knew I was given to the occasional daydream or two, but of all the voices in my head, his is the loudest and the most convincing. I've been giving (...)'

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Author : Anuradha      Blog : Stars and Synapses      Date : 7/7/2012 6:54:00 PM

'A few hundred photographs. I looked at them, one by one, permitting every little detail to find itself a permanent place in my head. Soon, my field of vision was full of vivid colours and distorted shapes. I relived every little memory I could recollect. Photograph after photograph swam in front of my eyes, each one bringing back a flood of memories. Recent memories. I blinked furiously to suppress the tears that were long overdue. I knew that it would never, ever be the same.***"Ho(...)'

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Last Week

Author : Anuradha      Blog : Stars and Synapses      Date : 6/28/2012 10:30:00 AM

'The pages of words and numbers and odd symbols in front of me don't always make sense. Nevertheless, they're engaging. I like having something to do. Moreover, it keeps my mental faculties from brooding over things that will probably never be; events that, in all likelihood, will never come to pass.***We talk and talk about trust, and many other things, besides. Your trust and my trust and his trust and her trust and how I do not trust people easily. I don't trust any of them, I sho(...)'

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Baarish and Life

Author : Anuradha      Blog : Stars and Synapses      Date : 6/8/2012 4:46:00 PM

'The first little drizzles of the season have arrived, bringing with them the characteristic grey shadows that cloak our little world. I've always loved wet weather, although my reasons for being so fond of the rain are ever-changing.Rain in Bombay spelled the end of the unbearably hot and sticky summer months, so everyone welcomed the torrents of water that would fall from the skies every June. The rain would also turn the city's streets into waist-deep streams, and one would have t(...)'

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Author : Anuradha      Blog : Stars and Synapses      Date : 6/3/2012 5:17:00 PM

'A few things I'd like to yell at myself for.Get all the facts right before you blame people for things they haven't even done.Don't read between the lines all the time, for goodness' sake. And when you do, you don't need to get worked up.Can't you send him to the back of your head for one day? Is it really necessary to give him so much of your attention?You've always loved yourself for not being judgemental, but when you develop an irrational dislike for someone  and you k(...)'

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Bombay

Author : Anuradha      Blog : Stars and Synapses      Date : 5/24/2012 7:03:00 PM

'Something is definitely different about this place.On the surface, it hasn't changed much. The old divisions are still the same. SoBo, the suburbs, New Bombay, everything else. Marine Drive is still Marine Drive. Juhu Beach and Chowpatty are still as crowded as ever.  Every inch of this city has retained its aura of chaos. When has anything about this city ever been pre-planned, when has it ever been static? Bombay has always been about spontaneity, contradictions, surprises, a(...)'

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A Realization

Author : Anuradha      Blog : Stars and Synapses      Date : 4/12/2012 6:36:00 PM

'I'm told I possess astonishing levels of maturity and an ability to keep a level head in almost all situations. Normally, it takes extremes to make me lose my cool in public. Somehow, none of that works with you. Your mere presence takes away all of it, only to replace it with plenty of hyperventilation and excitement and most of all, silliness.You've achieved nothing short of a miracle.'

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Author : Anuradha      Blog : Stars and Synapses      Date : 3/27/2012 6:13:00 PM

'This is a point where I've understood that everything doesn't necessarily work out the way I want it to. Acceptance. Acceptance of something I'm not even entirely sure of. There's this voice in my head that keeps telling me I'm being silly, getting all worked up when I don't even know the truth. I'm too afraid to ask, strangely enough. I wonder why. I've never been afraid of asking you anything before.Back to acceptance. No tears, no tantrums, no rants. But if I ever learn that this(...)'

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