EXCUSE ME, IS MY UMWELT SHOWING?

Author : Red Handed      Blog : RED HANDED      Date : 6/15/2013 3:47:00 PM

'I remember my father once telling me “To understand the actions of others, look at the world through their eyes”. A clueless biologist shouted ‘UMWELT’ and there my vocabulary found a new word for the philosophy my father had tried to inject in me. Though it sounded poetic and incoherent at first, I did spend a fair stint of my childhood trying to comprehend as to why the world and its people acted in such mysterious ways.Why does our Prime Minister never speak? Strong proof t(...)'

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Coming out of the Closet.....

Author : Red Handed      Blog : RED HANDED      Date : 6/1/2013 10:40:00 AM

';;; I just couldn’t take it anymore. The pressure of the studies, the presence of too much spice in life and the suffocation of being trapped at home right after a superb college life is unnerving in itself. To put a ribbon on all this frustration are my parents waiting for a nod from my side to get me a groom.  At one point I was so frustrated that I allowed them to do whatever they want, which in turn awarded me a paid profile in the Kerala Matrimony site. In a 3 mth membersh(...)'

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How To Tell People They Suck.....

Author : Red Handed      Blog : RED HANDED      Date : 5/27/2013 10:08:00 AM

';;; The world is filled with people having an ambition to be something that they are genuinely not capable of.  Every third person is a photographer, every fifth person is a DJ and one out of five people turn out to be a self proclaimed singer or a poet. One thing common about all of them is that they are all victims of a chain of lies.   One does not choose to be a world class wannabe. He/she is moulded into one. I am expected to visit this South Indian Mallu Go(...)'

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DATE A MAN WHO LOVES OLD MONK

Author : Red Handed      Blog : RED HANDED      Date : 5/12/2013 9:53:00 AM

';;;; Date a man who loves Old Monk. Date a man whose loyalty lies to the elixir that patiently blended itself for 7 years. You will find him quietly sitting by the bar of the pub you ritually visit, enjoying the company of a bottle of Buddha Sadhu, untouched by the madness around.  He is the guy sitting beside you in the flight; trying his best to cover up his discomfort on the lack of Old Monk but the availability of useless Beer and Red Wine on board. Strike a conversation wi(...)'

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KEEP KAAM WALI BAI

Author : Red Handed      Blog : RED HANDED      Date : 3/21/2013 10:38:00 AM

';;; The traditional concept of family needs to be redefined. Earlier to constitute a family all that was generally required was a male, a female and the fruits of their loins. But with the advent of time a new non- blood related member has found her way into this closely bound unit and that is a ‘KAAM WALI BAI’.   Recently I discovered the sine qua non which determines the true maturity of a woman. When your casual talks with your girls shifts from the customary ‘Who (...)'

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NEED IS ALL WE DO.....

Author : Red Handed      Blog : RED HANDED      Date : 3/13/2013 8:49:00 AM

';;;; ‘NEED’ , the one word that I have grown to hate vehemently. Believe it or not, this tiny 4 letter word is so deceptive, that unknowingly your entire life runs on the illusory fuel it provides. You run, you get tired and during that run you even forget the purpose behind the rush. You even question yourself if you actually want to run. And then someone somewhere reminds you, that you ‘need’ to run. This is how every goddamn person alive on this godforsaken planet is surviving.Th(...)'

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THE GODS MUST BE CRAZY

Author : Red Handed      Blog : RED HANDED      Date : 2/26/2013 8:10:00 AM

';;;;  I think the Universe is hinting me the reason as to why my life is so screwed up. Since I don’t go with the whole Bad Karma from the previous birth lashing it down on me in this one, there has to be another theory regarding my catastrophic existence. So today I was comfortably placed on the couch and eating pasta out of a bowl artistically placed on my belly while switching channels on the TiVo. HBO, the messenger of God for me now was airing the movie ‘The Gods Must Be C(...)'

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DEAR CELLULITE

Author : Red Handed      Blog : RED HANDED      Date : 2/15/2013 9:14:00 AM

';;;; ; DEAR CELLULITE,You and I have been in a relationship since the very inception of my life. From the jiggling baby bum peeking out of an overstretched bloomer to the teenage thunder thighs and even to the mature family pack abs, you have been with me or rather in me throughout.   We have always been there for each other and have stuck to each other through all odds that life had made me sit through. I remember how when I once fell down the stairs crashing right on my (...)'

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ROMEO MUST DIE

Author : Red Handed      Blog : RED HANDED      Date : 2/11/2013 8:20:00 AM

';;; ; ‘Once upon a time, there was a king and a queen. They fell in love and lived happily ever after.’ How dreary are the happily ever after stories. As a child, I was fascinated when the young princess escaped the clutches of her evil god mother and lived a forever happy life with her prince charming who always had the perfect gelled hair and a baritone to die for. But as life started to take away my innocence and maturity started to bring out the worse in me, I started deriv(...)'

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One Cup Life Please!!

Author : Red Handed      Blog : RED HANDED      Date : 12/13/2012 9:59:00 AM

'‘Mediocre’ that is how I do not want to describe my life as. A blatant existence earnestly waiting for some turbulence to happen and catch me off guard. As a kid I remember asking my Grandmother if there was something she excelled at or followed as an interesting hobby. She would look at me from between those plastic jars she was filling with freshly made pickles and tell me that during her time she was not allowed to have hobbies. She just existed and fulfilled her duties as a woma(...)'

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The HEAD-HEART Conflict.......

Author : Red Handed      Blog : RED HANDED      Date : 10/7/2012 9:11:00 AM

';;;; It was past midnight when he caught the flicker on his mobile screen. A call from a number which was glimmering boldly across the screen. A number he once had deleted with a crushed heart and salty eyes. A number which he had tried hard to forget just like the person to whom it belonged, but all in vain. A faint smile escaped his lips as he gently ran his finger across the screen as if touching the woman who had burnt his heart. It’s funny when you cannot hate someone who left (...)'

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The Glory Of Indian Roads

Author : Red Handed      Blog : RED HANDED      Date : 9/6/2012 10:19:00 AM

';;; Dear Jade, I am doing well and at awe with the glory that is India. Every aspect of this mesmerizing country amazes me be its people, the place, the culture or the living. But what struck me the most were the roads, for India with its roads provides you with an experience that no other country can possibly compete with, not even our homeland New Zealand.          Indians are born with nerves of steel and a blind sometimes paralyzing faith in th(...)'

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GAMOPHOBIA !!

Author : Red Handed      Blog : RED HANDED      Date : 8/18/2012 6:09:00 AM

'Everytime I look at my parents, my soul lingers out of my body, gives me a hot iron shovel hit and reminds me that they are the main reason behind my marriage phobia. Yes I seem to be suffering from this abysmal and indefensible mental issue called the Gamophobia (note the ‘Game’ part of the term). When I say so about my family, one might think that I belong to a tumultuous family where melodrama is in the air and dramatic notes play in the background as the members throw bric(...)'

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THE ALMOST MAN

Author : Red Handed      Blog : RED HANDED      Date : 8/14/2012 6:49:00 AM

'I happen to write this with a guilty conscience and a confused soul. I used to be the kind of person who supported the general notion that men remain rooted to a relationship until his woman hints him towards tying the nuptials. I never had a strong reason to back up my statement except for the melodramas my eyes had witnessed in movies since the time I had my mind ticking. But after licking dry the experience gathered in my 23 years of life, I have proved my hypothesis wrong.When a(...)'

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THE INDIAN WAY OF FINDING Mr.RIGHT !!

Author : Red Handed      Blog : RED HANDED      Date : 8/9/2012 11:12:00 AM

'There are two types of young Malayalee women. One, those who are enlisted on any or all of the various matrimony sites or Two, those who rebelled against it or are the fruits of the loins of those fathers who rebel against it. I believed myself to be the fruit of one such loin until I was proved wrong by being colourfully displayed as a ‘Simple, caring, traditional girl’ on a presumed to be a top notch matrimonial site. For men being on a matrimonial website is just like being(...)'

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SEX VEX

Author : Red Handed      Blog : RED HANDED      Date : 6/25/2012 9:06:00 AM

'Sex is my favourite subject both theoretically and practically. My special inclination towards this particular field is genetically imbibed by my nervous system because I am an Indian. I am from the land which gave birth to the nomad sage who wrote the pain in the hole(s) ‘KAMASUTRA’. I mean I am pretty sure that he did not stick to a single yoga woman to practise all those intricate and sometimes life threatening positions but a variety of prostitutes which he choose fussily accord(...)'

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The Great Indian Pooping!!!

Author : Red Handed      Blog : RED HANDED      Date : 5/29/2012 1:51:00 PM

';;; India will always be a developing country. The civility of our countrymen will force it to remain that way. We just cannot let go of our animal like tendencies and make way to something less grotesque. So I understand that we derived the idea of shitting and peeing anywhere and everywhere from our ancestors the Chimpanzees or conceptually the early Man. But while the rest of the world evolved into people with stance and etiquette, we stuck like glue to our age old barbaric (...)'

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How To Escape An Arranged Marriage...

Author : Red Handed      Blog : RED HANDED      Date : 5/18/2012 8:24:00 AM

'I am in that tragic phase of life. The phase which every person, be it man or woman cannot escape. The phase in your life which your parents have been waiting for ‘like a boss’. If you are an Indian, your life cycle has been genetically designed to endure the pain of arranged marriages, unless off course you create an outburst in your family and zip them up. This generally results in dramatic tears, exchange of chilli paste coated words and in the worst case scenario, disowning the (...)'

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NO I AM NOT DEAD

Author : Red Handed      Blog : RED HANDED      Date : 4/18/2012 4:20:00 PM

';;;I, Red Handed, am pleased tobring to your notice the fact that at the completion of 10 days commencingtomorrow, my college life would come to its much awaited death. This marks theend of the 5 years of rotting in a University which took me in with theintention of transforming me into a budding lawyer. I will not be using thewords ‘graduating from the University’ since considering the gas I am fillingmy semester exam answer sheets with, a supplementary seems not unusual. Butthen a(...)'

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DON'T TELL ME YOUR SECRETS....

Author : Red Handed      Blog : RED HANDED      Date : 3/18/2012 5:49:00 PM

';;;I hate so many things, so manythat the things I like can be numbered while my hatred has an infiniteexpansion. There is one particular thing that I find respectable about men,which being a woman comes hard to me.Men might go around discussing sex and scanning you down and drowning intheir own drool, but it when it comes to the whole issue of dealing with arelationship problem, they keep it to themselves. Now why can’t women be likethat? Why do women at a drop of a tear go around (...)'

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